NO BORG

Doomed.

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 14:47:34 GMT

Well. The one good thing about having a driveway that's so craggy that driving on it is like being in a commercial for Chevy trucks is that the Chinese army won't be able to ride their Segways down it when they invade.

Jesus. We're all doomed.

Deep thoughts

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 19:37:55 GMT

Here's a thought.

The new series of Doctor Who brought back the Master, the Doctor's ages old foe (and sometime friend). In the Master's episodes, the following corollary is established.

The Master is bad. Because he is bad, he fucks girls.

The Doctor is good. Because he is good, he takes girls around the universe, but he would never ever think of them as sexual beings, no matter how much they might want him to.

Girls, remember this. Only bad men want to give it to you. Good men want to chastely hold your hand and introduce you to Shakespeare.

Review of Wanted

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 01:42:28 GMT

Angelina Jolie is very pretty and her tattoos were neat.
James McAvoy is handsome in that squishy-faced Scotsman sort of way.
He's also a proper action star, I think.
Morgan Freeman makes shitty dialog sound like Tom Stoppard wrote it.
Timur Bekmambetov can make a fucking action movie. I want to see his Russian vampire movies.

That said, it's a slick, soulless piece of garbage, with a plot so obvious and filled with stereotypes and situations so offensive as to make it crystal clear that it was the brainchild of Mark Millar. I hated it and I want to pretend that it doesn't exist. I actually paid to see Wall-E, but changed my mind when I discovered that the theater stank, was filled with children (on Tuesday night, WTF?) and everything was fucking sticky. So. Yay?

The most interesting thing about it was the Burn After Reading trailer. For about ten seconds, I totally thought Brad Pitt was Jason Priestley. I really, really did.

OMGWTF NO STAR TREK!?

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 02:28:19 GMT

THE FUCKING STAR TREK EXPERIENCE IS CLOSING.

It is closing Labor Day weekend, which is TWO WEEKS before I'm going to be there. I am so angry. SO ANGRY. There were four things I wanted to do in Vegas.

One. Lay by a pool and have drinks and read.
Two. Go to the Star Trek Experience.
Three. Have drinks at the Ferengi Bar. At the Star Trek Experience.
Four. Buy at Star Fleet Academy sweatshirt. AT THE GODDAMN STAR TREK EXPERIENCE.

So, now I have ONE thing to do in Vegas. I'm vehemently anti-gambling, so no to that. I hate Cirque du Soleil. I hate clubs. SO WHAT DO I DO!? Nothing? Drink? I don't know.

Star Trek. I wanted Star Trek.

Boo.

Reading Notes: Down River

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 01:57:58 GMT

Hart, John. Down River. 2007.
Procured from KPL
Begun 6.25.08
Finished 6.26.08

Pulp noir whodunit. Entertaining and a fast read. Won a lot of prizes and critical praise. I’m not sure it’s as good as it’s been made out to be. Author has been touted as the next Raymond Chandler. Hart’s plotting is better than Chandler's, but his prose is not as good. Female characters were all awful, hollow stereotypes. And there are some editorial issues in the hardcover first edition. Surprising number of errors in punctuation, grammar and word usage. Still, it was a decent summer read.

Only took about five hours to read, and I’m not a particularly fast reader. Recommended for rainy a Sunday at home, but not for a long trip.

Lentil soup recipe?

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:18:38 GMT

Does anyone have a good lentil soup recipe? That, you know, you've made before, and it was tasty?

I'm on the verge of just making one up. My friend, Snakebite, made some last weekend that was so fucking delicious that I've been craving it ever since. I will hopefully get his recipe at some point (which, I believe, is along the lines of "uhhh...some lentils...and carrots...and ummm a chopped up jalapeno...), but until then, I must forage for myself.

HAHAHAHA I CAN USE MY JTIMMY SOUP DANCE ICON FOR THIS YAY!

I have one thing to say to you...

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 15:46:03 GMT

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

Bodily harm

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:31:13 GMT

You guys, there is video footage from Saturday night of my sister trying to give me a piggyback ride. I have six inches and forty pounds on her. It is awesome.

Nurrrrrrrg

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 20:01:22 GMT

Tired. No sleep. Brain too broken to do anything useful. Back tomorrow.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 07:36:06 GMT

OH MY GOD I LOVE MY SHOW

OMGWTFNEWCLASSICS!?

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 23:49:40 GMT

Someone talk about this list with me, because I think it's going to give me an aneurysm. It's Entertainment Weekly, so. I don't know. I guess that makes it representative of the popular reader, but god. That makes me sad.

Randomness

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:14:46 GMT

Sometimes I read through my Flist, and I really wish I could be BFF with all of you. Srsly. Y'all are awesome.

I am feeling schmaltzy. I just watched my baby sister graduate. And OMG. I wanted to cry.

This weekend is No Pants Weekend, btw. Take your pants off and represent.

I have to get some work done.

That is all.

Can't stop the rock

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 14:29:51 GMT

I have shifted from low-key, semi-depressed Kristin to full-on, loudmouthed, most-obnoxious-person-on-the-planet Kristin.

Yeah, El Jay. It's on. It is so fucking on.

I've been having terrible joint problems, lately. Worse than usual. So, I've been in physical therapy for seven weeks, and it's getting worse rather than better. So, I have to go back to the rheumatologist again. And it's just this circular holding pattern of appointments with medical professionals. All the while, I'm in pain and on muscle relaxants and anti-inflammatories and pain killers for whenever it's supermegapain. And then I start feeling really sad, because I feel like I can't do anything that I want to do. And then I think, fuck it. I'm just going to live the life I want to live and try to zen master my way through it all. Put it out of my head instead of constantly focusing on what hurts and what doesn't and what appointment I have to go to and the things I can't do.

So. There. I've made myself happy again, by the force of my own will. I'm the motherfucking Secret. I should make my own self-help video. Except, MY video would bring the ROCK. Instead of tinkley new age music, there would be punk. And it would be directed by Liam Lynch and John Lydon would host it. He's stare directly at the camera and berate you (the viewer) for ~~being a cunt~~ not enjoying your life at it's fullest potential.

Smash hit, I tell you.

In other news, my baby sister's middle school ~~graduation~~ achievement ceremony is today. She grows and she grows and she grows and she's all growed up!

YAY

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 20:35:49 GMT

NEW OFFSPRING ALBUM!!1! \O/

I'll take "My Favorite Punk Bands from the '90s" for a thousand, Alex.

In other news, Ultimate Jubilee! Now with dialog! Kind of FTW. I guess. And is anyone reading Wolverine: Origins? I'm so tempted to get it for the Deadpool, but Daniel Way is always wasting my fave characters flava.

I need to find my ASKURRED! icon and upload it again

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 21:01:28 GMT

Wow. It's thundering so hard that my house is shaking.

Oh, the joys of living on a mountain.

ETA: Also, sudden throbbing sinus headache. Thanks, weather.

ME. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 04:06:36 GMT

Blah blah blah in case you don't know who I am blah.

1. First Name: Kristin. Duh.

2. Age: 28

3. Location: New Hampshire, USA. I am very New England. Both sides of my family have been here since about 1630. And yes. New England really is as weird as you think it is. Bizarre people live here. Bizarre things happen here. Just tonight, I stopped at a convenience store, and a sedan pulled in a couple of spaces away from me. Not that weird. Except, on the side of the sedan was a sign that read:

Original Novel
$5
Inquire Within

WITHIN THE SEDAN.

I don't even know, you guys. I only had three bucks in cash, so I couldn't buy it.

4. Occupation: On my taxes I am listed as an "Ennui Consultant". I work in my family's restaurant. I also write a really, really lot.

5. Partner: diablo_robotico, though don't bother looking. He never updates. His name is Matt, though I usually refer to him as Stuart, which is a very long story. We met when we were twelve. That's how long a story it is.

6. Kids: I honestly cannot stand children. They are sticky and messy and they smell gross. And every time I am forced to hold someone's baby, it pukes on me.

7. Brothers/Sisters: One of each. My brother is 17. His name is Addi. He communicates solely with surly grunts. My sister is 14 and is mostly awesome. Her name is Jules, and I spend a large chunk of my time with her.

8. Pets: Precious Roy, hound of stinkiness. Miss Bunny, cat of crankiness. Roy was an abuse/neglect rescue. Bunny was a feral stray. They're both really weird.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
a. I am writing a book that I think I'm actually going to finish this year. I am convinced that it's going to suck. That is why it is called the Book of Suck. It's a dark urban fantasy, and I've been working on it for a very, very long time. Look for it at your local bookseller pretty much never.
b. I have some major joint problems, for which I take a variety of medications and am in physical therapy.
c. Um. I have a pink laptop. The end.

10. Where and for what did you go to school for?: I studied playwriting at Goodman Theatre (now The Theatre School at DePaul University *massive eye-rolling*) in Chicago. Theater conservatories are a waste of time. The more prestigious the conservatory, the bigger waste of time. Srsly. Do not bother. I also studied English Litrachaaaaa at Local State School. This? Also a waste of time. I have no degrees and no respect for higher education.

11. Parents: My parents own a restaurant. They are Restaurant People. If you've worked in a restaurant, you know what that means. My mother is from a solid blue collar, Irish Catholic family. My dad has three college degrees and has never worked a white collar job in his life. They have a general disdain of anyone who doesn't work a job you can put your back into.

12. Who are some of your closest friends?: churumbelita has been my best friend since high school. She lives in the apartment in my basement. Her name is Nern, because that is the sound that happens when you say ERINERINERINERINERINERIN over and over, really fast. (I am an obnoxious friend.) Also, Lauren, Chaz, Neil and Joel. I went to high school with all of my friends. Except Neil, who went to high school one town over from the one the rest of us went to. We're professional townies.

OMG

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 19:46:27 GMT

WHO HAS READ SOON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE!? I AM TEN PAGES INTO IT AND IT IS THE BEST BOOK I HAVE EVER READ.

EVAR.

Reading Notes - Girl in Landscape

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:56:36 GMT

Lethem, Jonathan. Girl in Landscape. 1999.
Procured from KPL
Begun 6.10.08
Finished 6.12.08

Sci-fi western. Pretty, stark prose, though occasionally unclear. Lots of Very Important Themes. Coming-of-age story. Exploration of abandonment issues, race relations and sexuality. The science fiction is standard stuff, but I’m a sucker for space westerns. Themes of violence and how violence equates to sex? Pella is afraid of Efram, but is attracted to him, too? Also, largely about survivor’s guilt. Imposition of one’s societal values on a foreign culture.

Enjoyed. Would recommend.

This just in:

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 02:09:01 GMT

Windows Vista can fucking suck it.

Reading Notes - Mainspring

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 14:59:27 GMT

Lake, Jay. Mainspring. 2007.
Procured from KPL
Begun 06/04/08
Finished 06/09/08

Steampunk. Clunky, obvious quest story – in the first few pages, the hero is told both that he must go on a quest and what he must seek – taking him to an obvious conclusion. Very preachy. Lots of eye-rolly moments of heavy-duty save-the-world environmentalist hippy crap. Still, there were some totally wild ideas that kept me reading. Almost every page had something outrageous, unexpected and really cool. Jay Lake has quite an imagination. Worth the read for the inventive world-building. Not so much for the plot.

Comedy of the Absurd Pets

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 19:50:36 GMT

CAST

PRECIOUS ROY - Medium-sized black hound. Very friendly. Stinky.

MISS BUNNY - Small gray cat. Cranky.

SCENE

(Bedroom of Doom. Miss Bunny is sleeping on the edge of the bed, one back foot hanging over the side.)

PRECIOUS ROY
(Enters stage left. Mills around bed. Sniffs Miss Bunny's foot.)

MISS BUNNY
(Does not move. Does not lift head. Does not open eyes. Hisses loudly.)

PRECIOUS ROY
(Runs away like a frightened schoolgirl.)

FINIS

Bird attack! Summer!

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 15:11:13 GMT

There is a chickadee trying desperately to get into my house. It's going from window to window, sitting on the ledge, flapping its wings and pecking the glass.

Sometimes I feel like if something wants to get inside that badly, I should just let it in, because there must be a good reason.

I need to go take a dress back to TJ Maxx, go to a department store for beach chairs, and then GO TO THE DAMN!!!1! YAY SWIMMING! Oo. I need water earplugs, too. My brain fills up with water and then I get ear infections.

OMG it's 100F out. WIN!

ETA: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I SPELLED 'DAM' WRONG.

Nerrrrrd alert

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 01:11:04 GMT

Oh. AND I can't believe I didn't mention this. I'm all caught up on Doctor Who. And I loved "The Unicorn and the Wasp". For the first time EVAR, I thought David Tennant was a really good Doctor. It's the only episode that hasn't made me want to punch him in his stupid rubbery face. (Other than "Blink". Which he was hardly in.)

As for the latest episode...

Giant library. For. The. Win. And it's spooky, which I love. I do not love the fact that it's obvious that Donna's going to end up dead. This fills me with such a venomous, passionate hateful hate. I love Donna. Maybe more than I love Rose or Romana or Sarah Jane. I'm going to cry so hard when they kill her off.

For a much more shallow hate, who the fuck came up with the name "River Song"? I can't like the character, because that name send me into a murderous rage blackout. That's a bad fantasy novel name. That's a LARP name. THAT is a fucking World of Warcraft name.

It's bad.

Have also been watching more classic Who. "The Hand of Fear" is favorite, so far. Sarah Jane is so feisty and adorabley awesome in those episodes. She and Donna are at the top of my Favoritest Companions EVAR list.

Asses of Fire

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 00:44:27 GMT

You guys, OMG. My life sucks. You know how I hurt my foot?

Did I mention that? I can't remember.

I have capsulitis in one of the toe joints in my right foot. It's because I run hills a lot. So, I have that. I've been in physical therapy for it for about a month, and it's a lot better. But I've been having wicked bad sciatica problems from limping all of the time. Like, so bad I can hardly move sometimes. That's sucked worse than the foot problems.

And then today? I slipped getting out of the shower and did a SPLIT on my bathroom floor. This wasn't a TOTAL disaster, because I can actually do splits, so my groin muscles were OK. HOWEVER, I twisted my knee a little bit, AND I think I pulled a butt muscle on the same side as the sciatica.

But the weird thing? The sciatica pain is totally gone. My ass hurts like hell, but it's not that awful radiating pain that makes me feel like one leg is longer than the other. So, I can't decide if doing a naked, wet split that made me cry hysterically is a good thing or not. If it fixed the sciatica it is. If it fixed the sciatica but did some other terrible, lasting damage, then not so much.

It's supposed to be 95F this weekend. I'm so excited. We're going to go swimming on Sunday at the dam, and I'm going to swim with just my arms for a long, long time. I'm so tired of being either totally layed up or trying not to cry at work. It's been really eating at me. Also, I haven't been able to do any substantial housework. My house is a pit and that makes me CRAZY. I also started turning the small guestroom into a walk-in closet right before I got hurt, and everything from that room is in the living room. I hate that so so so much.

I've been playing a lot of EVE, though. So, that's been fun. I totally made fun of that game for so long, but it hits so many of my buttons. It's space. It rips off every space genre movie and TV show I've ever loved. It's kind of steampunky. AND I get to be a religious zealot, which I LOVE. If any of y'all play EVE, let me know. I'm an ULTRA-n00b, but maybe we could do some stuff together at some point. chaos_in_action, does Truman still play? Or did his computer totally tank? diablo_robotico is currently out buying us ridiculous headsets about which churumbelita is totes going to laugh.

Ugly things in the darkness

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 15:05:02 GMT

I think there should be a Big Brothers, Big Sisters program for celebrities. For example, these pictures of Dennis Hopper with Lindsay Lohan. Let's ignore the fact that people on ONTD don't seem to know who Dennis Hopper is. Don't you think he should be LiLo's Big? And they should go about Hollywood in Big/Little tees. And he can tell her cautionary tales of getting strung out on goof balls and then wandering through the jungle.

Come on. That would be awesome.

Here are some lists, mostly for my own benefit, but we can talk about them too, if you like.

Summer Movies I Must See

Prince Caspian
Indiana Jones
Sex and the City (Shut up. I AM ALLOWED TO LIKE WHATEVER I WANT TO LIKE.)
Hulk
Dark Knight
The Happening
Wanted
Get Smart
Hellboy II
X-Files (OMG FINALLY)

And I kind of want to see Iron Man again. And then again and again and again. When the DVD comes out, I am so watching the part after the credits eleventy-twelve bazillion times.

ETA: OH FUCK YOU, KUNG FU PANDA. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE THE FIRST MOVIE IN THE DRIVE-IN DOUBLE FEATURE!? WHY CAN'T IT JUST BE INDIANA JONES/IRON MAN!? HATESES.

Fall Premiers I Must Remember

FOX

Sarah Connor Chronicles (Sept 8, 8pm)
'Til Death (Sept 10, 9pm)
House (Sept 16, 8pm)